Navigating masculinity is not easy. In fact, it is profoundly difficult, often lonely work. We are flooded every day with messages and ideas about what men are and aren’t, should and shouldn’t be. Many men feel shame or guilt about our masculinity. Sometimes that’s conscious, and sometimes it manifests as defensiveness; it’s the same thing. Many people in relationship with men struggle to understand them, and understandably so.
While my formal education and training is in Education and Biology, I’ve also worked with a lot of men. I ran a series of recovery houses, I’ve been running mens groups for fifteen years or so, and I’ve had the mixed honor of being someone people in my community have often turned to when men have caused harm. From that experience, I’ve shared a bit about my perspectives on masculinity and relationships, and people began asking me for one-on-one support. Some have reported that this was very valuable for them, and told me to offer it more publicly.
If you are working on how to exist in a healthy way as a man or in relationship with men and you’d like some support with that, I’m happy to offer my help. Often, this is just the work of helping you clarify what your own beliefs are as opposed to what you’ve been taught, which is tricker than it sounds. Often, it’s exploring values and practices that you wish to embody more, and setting up pathways to actually fulfill those goals. Some people come to me because my words on social media resonated with them and they just want to talk it through more.
Fair warning- growth requires investment, and I’m still a teacher at heart. If you want to work with me, odds are pretty good that I’ll send you TED talks, TikToks, essays, and books for you to reflect on. I often suggest homework, which is entirely voluntary, but many people find value in. There’s no consequence for ignoring whatever I suggest, other than the lack of that growth or understanding. Knowledge is a mirror, and through reading and listening to other bright people, you can get to know yourself far better.
While my work has historically been predominantly with men, I am very happy to work with people of all genders. We all navigate masculinities in one way or another, and if you feel that you might benefit from working with me, I’m happy to talk. I’ve also worked occasionally with couples, which is often more translation work than anything else. And a large part of my work that I remain passionate about is supporting people and communities who are working to address harm in their communities. I’ve helped a lot of men face the fact that they’ve caused harm, ranging from a lack of support to their partners to serial rape. It’s incredibly hard work, the recidivism rate is horrifying,
I offer this work on a sliding scale based on income; I ask 1/1,000th of your annual income per hour. So if you make $45,000 per year, I ask for $45/hr. If you make $150,000/yr, I ask for $150/hr. In addition to that, it is outrageous that our society makes support more accessible based on privilege. One way to think of this is to knock off $5/hr for every historically disenfranchised identity you hold (other than income, which is already addressed.) So if you’re a Black Queer person who wants to work with me, knock $10/hr off that original metric. I can’t work for less than $40/hr these days, but if the money is really a barrier for you, talk to me and we’ll see what we can do.
Notice!
My coaching services are currently on a waitlist. If you would like to be added to that waitlist, please email me. Beyond my coaching schedule being full, I have started receiving far, far more communications than I have the capacity to respond to, so odds are good it will be a while before you hear back from me. This is not personal at all. I deeply appreciate every single person who reaches out to me, and I’m working on figuring out how to manage the volume of emails that I receive these days in a way that respects the vulnerability and depth of the communications I receive. I appreciate your patience, and if you would like support on the sooner side, I sincerely hope that you will continue looking for another coach or therapist who has capacity sooner. Best of luck in your work, and I hope we all continue healing.
Support@HealTheCycle.com
Here are some resources that offer support to men. I have not worked with all of these programs, so I can’t vouch for them completely, but their outward-facing presentation looks good.
Online Men’s Groups- these offer online men’s groups that seem very easy to jump into, and can connect you with more resources:
I also recommend seeking out another coach or therapist. Therapists can only work in their state, and I don’t feel comfortable recommending coaches that I haven’t worked with personally, but there are many excellent ones out there, and I hope you find exactly the right person to connect with!